What I’ve learned ...

Sept. 2, 1998

 

>The 49 Worst Pick-up Lines

>1 Your name must be daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you

>right here!

>2 Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go screw

>3 Just call me milk, I'll do your body good

>4 Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to be

>5 Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

>6 I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock

>7 I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

>8 My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and

>going

>9 That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be

>coming too

>10 Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me

>right, and I'll do it your way right away

>11 I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat

>me to it

>12 I enjoy doing maintenance, you look like someone I would like to

>"tinker" around with

>13 You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause baby you're the Bomb

>14 If you were a new hamburger at Mconald's, you would be

>McGorgeous

>15 Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants

>16 I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have

>you seen one?

>17 I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you

>all day long for a quarter

>18 Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night

>long

>19 If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the

>afternoon

>20 Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag

>21 If you were a car, I'd wax you and ride you all over town

> 22 Guy: "Would you like to dance?"

> Girl: "I don't care for this song and surely wouldn't dance

>with you"

>Guy: "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said

>you look fat in those pants"

>23 Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I've seem to have lost

>mine

>24 I look good on you

>25 I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house

>26 If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I

>visit you between the Holidays?

>27 You look like a girl that has heard every line in the book, so what's one

>more going to hurt?

>28 Screw me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?

>29 I love every bone in your body - especially mine

>30 Excuse me, do you wanna screw, or should I apologize?

>31 You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a

>light switch away

>32 Do you want to dance, No? Well I guess a screw is out of the question

>33 Hi, I'm a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?

>34 I lost my bed, can I borrow yours?

>35 You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy

>36 My recipe for love is one cup of you, one cup of me,

>nead till hard, and serve hot

>37 Are your legs tired, because you've been running through my mind all

>day long

>38 You be the tree, and I'll wrap you like a Koala

>39 Hey baby, I'm like American Express, you don't want to leave home

>without me

>40 Do you have a quarter? My mother told me to call home when I met the

>girl of my dreams

>41 The word for the night is legs, legs go back to my room and spread the

>word

>42 Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves

>ahead, yield?

>43 Hi my name is _______, remember it, cause you'll be screaming it all

>night long

>44 I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into

>this cheap motel room

>45 Was you dad a farmer? Cause you sure have great melons

>46 Want to play conductor?? You be the engineer and I'll go Choo choo

>47 You must be Jelly, cause jam don't shake like that.

>*48 The fact that I'm missing my teeth just means that there's more room

>for your tongue

> 49 Guy: "haven't I seen you someplace before?"

> Girl: "Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore"

 

Thing Date

The person a mentor is a mentor to is a mentee. 7/2/97

The only thing we really have is time. 7/3/97

Life is like a Monday morning. I’m tired. 7/7/97

My mailbox is empty. My day is done. 7/7/97

The rain washes away the sunniest memories. 7/8/97

I can afford to live to hate another day. (MTX) 7/9/97

Some things are like shoe laces, they just never stay tied. 7/10/97

How lucky we are to be where we are at and where other people are and where we are going. (messed ‘cause it’s Moroni’s)

Those not checking there e-mail once a day do not get messages from me.

Good fisherman are master baiters. (Paul Fruzyna) 7/10/97

Once bitten, twice shy. (Rock N’ Roll) 7/11/97

Our parents told us not to sit so close to the T.V. set but they never said a word about our computer monitors. My eyes are

killing me.

Water is wet. The sky is blue. (Bruce Willis) 7/14/97

Cream or sugar, paper or plastic; decisions, decisions. 7/14/97

Skate hard and skate for a reason. (Paul Fruzyna) 7/14/97

The world is a funny place and no one is laughing. 7/15/97

Happy hour always seems way less than an hour. 7/15/97

Get a life. Get a job. Get a clue. Get a LIFE! (Paul Fruzyna) 7/16/97

My life is a trail of papers and my cat is hitting them around the room. 7/17/97

Everyone is talking about Hoboken, New Jersey. 7/22/97

We can’t go back to that day in the past and we can’t plan ahead for that day in the future.

Our parents spend their whole adult lives taking care of us and we spend our whole adult lives taking care of them.

Forty hours is a lot of time in a week to fool around. 7/24/97

I’m proud of the work I do but it always seems like I’m wiping the last traces of it off and flushing it all down the toilet.

It’s tough enough to motivate myself let alone someone else 7/28/97

In order to get the ball rolling, you’ll always have give the ball a little nudge. 7/28/97

Adults are jumbo kids with more body hair. 7/29/97

If you want something done, especially something done right, do it yourself. 7/29/97

Everyone gets and takes something different out of the same exact thing. 7/31/97

Once you cross the line, you can’t cross back over. 7/31/97

I was pretty anxious to test the water and it is nice to and warm. 7/31/97

The weeks go fast. The weekends go even faster. 7/31/97

Sometimes I miss being bored, relaxed, and well rested. 8/1/97

I can’t understand anyone who lives their life with not one ounce of entrepreneurial spirit.

I’d talk to you to your face but we both have computers 8/5/97

Some like living at home to save money. What are they saving for, retirement?

Disappointment is due to lack of faith and hard work. 8/6/97

Don’t tell me how I should feel. 8/6/97

I’ve got a rope around my neck tied to a weekly paycheck 8/8/97

The weekend will always come. 8/8/97

My e-mail account is down; the cat’s got my tongue. 8/8/97

I think I am the only person that thinks there is no such thing as being too organized. 8/11/97

My hair is becoming thinner, my waist bigger, my eyes and ears weaker. 8/11/97

You eat fat; You get fat. I gotta stop cooking with lard or I will become a tub-o-lard. You are what you eat. I guess I am a tub-o-lard.

Try to try. 8/12/97

Some days 7 is close enought to 8 1/2. 8/12/97

People without e-mail - we are just people who like to talk - but can't type 8/13/97

Some want to be a piece of the puzzle. I want to be the glue holding the pieces together.

Give me a cheap phone, an old computer, paper, pens, and put it in a cubicle. But don’t think it’s going to make me want to stay forever.

The world is a retarded place and I feel normal. 8/13/97

Time flies when you have more than an hour long job to do that you spread over the course of an eight hour work day.

Force a thought. 8/14/97

The stage the internet is at now is the same stage the telephone was at when it consisted of two tin cans and a piece of string. (Bill Gates)

Am I tired or just really bored? 8/14/97

Some chicks are hot. Some are not. 8/15/97

Forever doesn't happen twice 8/15/97

We live in aworld where supervisors encourage slow work. I spread my work out over the course of a day just so they think I am not trying so hard.

I’ve got something to give to this world and my seeds are just planted. 8/15/97

Naps are king. 8/18/97

Silence is the killer 8/19/97

Sometimes i ask why bother. You are wasting my time. 8/19/97

Is there really that much work to do. I dont know. (AMC) 8/19/97

Its amazing how much time it takes to not get anything done (Daniel Friel). 8/20/97

You mail about the communication problem seemed pretty rude (Deb Norton). 8/20/97

I’ve got to stop by India this afternoon. 8/20/97

Yes, parents are silly (Merilou Ziola). 8/21/97

I don’t have that many friends. I do have a computer. 8/21/97

They try and tell me it’s not what’s in your heart that counts (Jeff Ott) 8/22/97

Down with the introverts. 8/25/97

Margaret got her arm stuck in the toilet. 8/25/97

I could spend all day on the toilet. 8/26/97

#1 Priority: confidecence in yourself. 8/26/97

People have the craziest laughs here. 8/26/97

Life is the same thing - day in and day out. Then you take a wrong turn which gets you home quicker.

Anyone who matches their socks has too much time in the morning. 8/27/97

It’s such a great day that I even look good even in the bad mirror. 8/27/97

Adults are so damn shy. 8/28/97

If you want something done, do it yourself. (day I was born) 8/29/97

i just thought i'd write and let you know i'm still alive. (Dan Friel) 9/2/97

Life is like a box of chocolates - little turds that taste yummy. 9/2/97

If everyone listened to me the world would be a better place. 9/2/97

Corporate life is like private high school, you dress up and the work is fairly easy. 9/2/97

Why do people crumble up paper before putting it in the trash bin? It’ll just make your trash bin seem fuller.

Old people know are the fruit of the tree of knowledge. 9/3/97

Everything and everyone has a generic. 9/3/97

I can’t pee with someone standing next to me and can’t poo with someone in the room. 9/3/97

I can't decide what I like leaving more; skid marks in the toilet or in my drawls. 9/3/97

Always see if there is toilet paper left before you take care of business. 9/4/97

Send people birthday cards. 9/4/97

Buy friend and your parents gifts when you go on vacation. 9/4/97

Patience is a waste of time. 9/4/97

You used to be as fun as my shoe to e-mail - now you are as fun as the dog feces on the bottom of my shoe.

The happiest times were when there was a new roll of toilet paper, a closet full of clean clothes, and a full tank of gas.

A girl that’s cool, fine, loves schmoopie. What else would i need from this life? 9/8/97

When ladies are having a baby, they can’t come in to work. 9/8/97

You shouldn’t have screwed me over because now you are going to get completely screwd over even worse.

You messed up when you decided to mess with me. 9/9/97

Judge others by what business they are in. 9/9/97

You mess with the best, you die like the rest. 9/9/97

The doctor said . . . 9/9/97

Document everything. 9/10/97